I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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