Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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