RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
