So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
