I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
