How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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