I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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