hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They took my balls.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
