We won't sleep together?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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