I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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