I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
