Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
