Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
