just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
