He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
