M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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