just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
