I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
