I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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