I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
