HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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