I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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