So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
