I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
