Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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