Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
