DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
