I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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