Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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