Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
