My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
