non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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