u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
