What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
