i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
