...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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