dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
