True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you never un-have a 4some
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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