So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
