I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
