Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
