Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
