I just saw a hot homeless man
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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