It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
