My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
