have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
