Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
