Your mouth is God's brothel.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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