your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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