angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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